Keita Swiftfoot profile

[Keita Swiftfoot]

Name: Keita Swiftfoot
Species: Fox
Gender: Female
Dibbun Weapon: Gullwhacker string
Adult Weapon: Keita uses a Rapier the rapier has a silver blade and a golden handle with several notches in it to tell how many good beasts the previous owner had killed, and several throwing knives with diamonds in them, but when disarmed at close combat uses a heavy knotted rope.

Appearance: Keita is taller than most foxes and has golden fur which fades a little bit as she gets older, she also has a scar down her face and a silver stripe which she counts a bad luck. The silver stripe runs from the top of her muzzle all the way down up to the tip of her tail, as a dibbun has bright golden fur and her stripe shines very brightly in the sun.She wears a A short red dress or a red tunic both embroidered with brown flowers .

Personality: Keita has a very graceful personality, she also is steeled though because of her past. She is Modest fox and deep down in her heart is merciful but will not stand by to see anybeast hurt or bullied even a Vermin. If she sees someone hurt will vow to kill the beast that hurt him/her, Keita is a romer by heart and will stay that way forever.

History: Keita was a hardly a season old baby when her mother was murdered by her father, her father had tricked her mother to going out with him into the woods there he laughed as his mate's head rolled to the ground and turned to kill Keita as well, Skipper of the Otters bounded out of the water and killed him then carried Keita home with him to Redwall, Keita couldn't remember anything else about her past except seeing her mothers head roll to the ground. As she grew older Keita became a wanderer and left the Abbey for a short while she went to the north-lands then to Salamandastron and then back home to Redwall abbey.

Roleplay Sample:
** Keita wandered over to the pond and sat moodily in the snow looking at the frozen pond it was a frosty morning and the snow was shimmering in the sunlight the Abbey was covered in frost making it look more beautiful then ever, then heard laughter behind her and saw some other dibbuns playing behind her and she turned and saw a snowball fight had commenced.**

I wanna pway with youse guyses!

** Keita quickly grabbed a pawful of the cold shimmering white snow but paused to examine her snowball she looked at all the snowflakes that had formed it was a beautiful snowball she had to admit that, then was hit in the back and heard a dibbun voice.**

I Gotcha youse fosker!

** Keita whirled aroud and threw the snowball with all her might hoping to hit the otter dibbun.Then yelled with all her might forgetting she was on Abbot's report. **
I'se gonna getcha youse!


OOC: I was kinda hurried, I'm leaving to go on a trip today.... Hopefully It will go faster than planned and can see my Dad faster, I miss him

[Aquamarine]

Keita, the biggest thing I tell you about your application is to add more detail. You have a great start! What you need more right now is description.

So a little more detail on that for her appearance: try starting with a paragraph describing her as a Dibbun, and then describe how she grows older and what she looks like as an adult. Look at details like her eye color, her build, and any jewelry she might wear (or she might not wear any).

You can add details in her personality, too. Here are some things to start with: what makes her happy, sad, or angry? What are her flaws? How does her personality change as she grows up? Does she learn any important lessons that change the ways she sees the world? How does her family, or not having a family, affect her?

I'm really curious about where her scar came from and why she thinks her silver stripe is bad luck. The history section is a great place to put those things. Like with the other sections, you can start with her life as a Dibbun (and you already have some good details on her birth) and go on from there -- when does she leave Redwall, and why? What was her life like growing up? How about when she gets older? Does she marry and start a family?

You'll also want to be careful to keep things realistic -- it's okay for her to have weapons with diamonds in them, but where did she get them? Make sure that makes sense. Out of her weapons, I think throwing knives would be the easiest to lose, so it might make more sense to have the diamonds in another weapon if keeping them is important to you.

Nice description to start of your RP sample. I think dividing the paragraphs up into a few different sentences will help it flow nicely and make it easier to read. Her characterization is cute -- I can see that she's a Dibbun and gets distracted like Dibbuns do. Still keep an eye on capital letters and punctuation, which will help make it more readable.

I saw your first posts back in RPing 101, and after looking at this, I'm already proud of how far you've come. You'll be starting in Class 3. I know you can keep getting better and I'm looking forward to seeing where that will take you.

I hope your trip goes well and safely and that you get to see your dad soon!