Tannsrall Seapaw profile

[Tannsrall Seapaw]

Name: Tannsrall Seapaw
Species: Otter
Gender: Male
Dibbun Weapon: Pillow
Adult Weapon: IBow and arrows. He can use a sword but does not like to

Appearance: he just looks like a normal otter, he wears forest Green habit with a quiver on his back even if it doesn't have any arrows in it, nothing really changes over time

Personality: optimistic, humorous at times, but mainly straight forward

History: Tannsrall came from across the western sea from a island far away to the Mossflower region for a better life. he was around five seasons when he got to Redwall and was raised there. He left in the spring season around the age of 13 seasons old wanting to experience the life of an adventurer. after around half a season from leaving Redwall he came to Salamadastron and was trained by the hares there. he left after winter heading north with the skills to survive there. When he was 16 seasons he came back to Redwall to visit his old friends and tell of his adventures. The abbot told him that he neeeded to deliver a some things to the badger lord of salamadastron. He accepted and became the official messenger between the two places. In the seasons that follow he becomes to be know as the best archer around and a plain old traveler who loves the life of adventurer and is whiling to help any beast who needs it.

Sorry for the quick history but I was about to leave to go to someplace and had to rush it

[Riverstream & Riana]

Tannsrall, you didn't include a RP sample. It's okay-- I've seen you RP before and I can grade your application without it. Just be sure to fill out all the things next time.

Most of these things are questions to help you improve.

Appearance: Could use a lot more description. He 'just looks like a normal otter' is not good enough. I know what you're trying to say, but describe it. Is he normal in size for an otter? Slightly different shades of fur exist-- just give me details. What color are his eyes? Like, for example, my character Riana has unusually large paws as a dibbun, but grows into them later. You didn't make Tannsrall sue-ish or extreme, but just making him average and like every other creature out there is not good either. And 'nothing changes'? He looks exactly the same his whole life. Same clothes, everything. He doesn't get any scars? Nothing?

Personality: Again, I'd like more than just a list of three things. He's optimistic- all the time? Is he straightforward to the point of offending people? Does his personality change at all when he gets older? Do his friends influence his personality?
But you definitely know how you want him to be, which is a good start.

History: This is the best part of the application. You have pretty much everything planned out quite well. I like it. You could elaborate a bit-- what about his parents? Any siblings? And when he goes north.. what does he encounter there? When he gets old, does he retire as messenger?
But a good start.

There are a few spelling errors and some significant grammar issues you should work on, though. Please use punctuation-- periods at the ends of sentences, capitalization in the right places, all that basic English stuff. You really should work on this more. Right now, it just looks sloppy and like you don't really care enough to follow writing rules. I understand you were rushed.. just work on it, ok?

Sounds like I'm being picky, but that's how applications to the Beginner Patrol work. You have some good ideas and basics, and with some work you'll be able to improve and move up. Class Three.

Please don't answer this post with application revisions and stuff. You'll have a chance later in the BP to revise your application based on my feedback-- or you can start working on something yourself with these comments in mind. So, you can head over to the rest of the BP and get started with the activities, exercises, missions, etc. that are available. I think you'll be improving and moving up soon. The other patrols will also open at some point- and in Class 3, you can join the Abbey Patrol to get some more practice RPing.

-Riv