Jasmine's UBERX Driving Commercial Parody
Oct 5, 2022 12:42:46 GMT -5
Post by Jasmine on Oct 5, 2022 12:42:46 GMT -5
Enjoy this silly commercial I wrote years ago of Jasmine's UBERX Driving service XD
Nay this isn't like Cluny's horse-drawn carriage in the world of Redwall, no, but 21st Century technology. Actually cars. Yes, automobiles.
It's a wild ride ;D
Enjoy!
[Jasmine stands at the gates of Redwall and waves at you, wearing a cute uniform. The background music is basically the Wii theme music]
Jasmine: Good afternoon, everyone! My name is Jasmine, and I am your friendly neighborhood –
(epic announcer voice with epic title/audio SFX.)
UBER. X.
Jasmine: …Driver! Tehe, that’s me! [back to cutsie music] Thanks to the new wave of technology to reach Mossflower …
[cut to show sister april staring quizzically at a cell phone]
Jasmine: …Travel destination has never been easier!
[Cut to Jasmine pulling up, driving a minivan, & rolling down the driver window]
Jasmine: Alright, all aboard everyone!
[3 creatures enter the van's back seat]
Jasmine: Now be sure to fasten your seatbelts [Clip SFX of everyone fastening seatbelts] and we’re on our way to --
[Jasmine puts on racecar helmet. Changes car gears, and…]
[YOU SUDDENLY HEAR THE ENGINE VRUMM VRUMM AND THE TIRE SCREEEEECH!!]
(epic announcer voice. music changes to epic electric guitar riffs and drums)
REACH YOUR DESTINATION IN UNPRECEDENTED TIMING WITH ACCELERATION AT HUNDREDS OF MILES AN HOUR PAST THE SPEED LIMIT.
Jasmine: PRESS THE PEDAL TO THE METAL!!!!!!
[cuts to backseat passengers]
Passenger 1: AHHHHH!!!! *terrified*
Passenger 2: WOAHHHHH!!! *amazed*
Passenger 3: *casually slurps soda beverage from a straw*
[cuts back to Jasmine looking away from the road and look at the camera and talk in a happy voice] Passengers get to enjoy the lovely scenery of Mossflower woods!
(epic announcer voice. epic electric guitar riffs and drums intensifies!!)
[cuts to MINIVAN DRIVES OVER CLIFF AND GOES AIRBORNE]
AS YOU DEFY THE LAWS OF GRAVITY AND REACH AIRBORNE FEATS NEVER BEFORE UNDERTAKEN BY ANY CREATURE.
Jasmine: WHEEE!!!! *removes hands from the steering wheel and raises them in the air*
[cuts to backseat passengers:]
Passenger 1: *UNCONTROLLABLY SCREAMING*
Passenger 2: *Also raises hands in the air like on a roller coaster ride* WHEEEEEE!!!!
Passenger 3: *casually looks out the window and watches a bird pass by. Smiles and waves at bird*
[scene displays peaceful St. Ninnians as the next passengers are awaiting their UberX ride]
[Jasmine’s UBERX Van is flying overhead (you can still hear Passenger 2 screaming in the distance) and then after tires screech and the car is seen spinning around in circles, it comes to a peaceful halt in front of St. Ninnians. Jasmine steps out and removes her helmet like a boss, including a hair flip, before opening the door for the current passengers]
(background music returns to peaceful upbeat melody)
Jasmine: Here we are! Safely arrived at your destination! *checks apple watch* and look, we’re 5 minutes early! Splendid for punctuality!
Passenger 1: *Is STILL screaming and tumbles out of exit, before finally they stop screaming and kiss the ground, and then plops there hugging the ground* Ground. I missed you. Let me hug you.
Passenger 2: *Also tumbles out of exit door and lands on top of Passenger 1. Smiles broadly and raises arms in the air* that. Was. AWESOME!!!!!
Passenger 3: *casually exits the minivan, tips Jasmine, and then walks away continuing to sip drink*
Jasmine: *opens door for new set of passengers to enter* Thank you for driving with Jasmine's UberX Driving. Call today! Tehe!
[END OF COMMERCIAL]
Nay this isn't like Cluny's horse-drawn carriage in the world of Redwall, no, but 21st Century technology. Actually cars. Yes, automobiles.
It's a wild ride ;D
Enjoy!
[Jasmine stands at the gates of Redwall and waves at you, wearing a cute uniform. The background music is basically the Wii theme music]
Jasmine: Good afternoon, everyone! My name is Jasmine, and I am your friendly neighborhood –
(epic announcer voice with epic title/audio SFX.)
UBER. X.
Jasmine: …Driver! Tehe, that’s me! [back to cutsie music] Thanks to the new wave of technology to reach Mossflower …
[cut to show sister april staring quizzically at a cell phone]
Jasmine: …Travel destination has never been easier!
[Cut to Jasmine pulling up, driving a minivan, & rolling down the driver window]
Jasmine: Alright, all aboard everyone!
[3 creatures enter the van's back seat]
Jasmine: Now be sure to fasten your seatbelts [Clip SFX of everyone fastening seatbelts] and we’re on our way to --
[Jasmine puts on racecar helmet. Changes car gears, and…]
[YOU SUDDENLY HEAR THE ENGINE VRUMM VRUMM AND THE TIRE SCREEEEECH!!]
(epic announcer voice. music changes to epic electric guitar riffs and drums)
REACH YOUR DESTINATION IN UNPRECEDENTED TIMING WITH ACCELERATION AT HUNDREDS OF MILES AN HOUR PAST THE SPEED LIMIT.
Jasmine: PRESS THE PEDAL TO THE METAL!!!!!!
[cuts to backseat passengers]
Passenger 1: AHHHHH!!!! *terrified*
Passenger 2: WOAHHHHH!!! *amazed*
Passenger 3: *casually slurps soda beverage from a straw*
[cuts back to Jasmine looking away from the road and look at the camera and talk in a happy voice] Passengers get to enjoy the lovely scenery of Mossflower woods!
(epic announcer voice. epic electric guitar riffs and drums intensifies!!)
[cuts to MINIVAN DRIVES OVER CLIFF AND GOES AIRBORNE]
AS YOU DEFY THE LAWS OF GRAVITY AND REACH AIRBORNE FEATS NEVER BEFORE UNDERTAKEN BY ANY CREATURE.
Jasmine: WHEEE!!!! *removes hands from the steering wheel and raises them in the air*
[cuts to backseat passengers:]
Passenger 1: *UNCONTROLLABLY SCREAMING*
Passenger 2: *Also raises hands in the air like on a roller coaster ride* WHEEEEEE!!!!
Passenger 3: *casually looks out the window and watches a bird pass by. Smiles and waves at bird*
[scene displays peaceful St. Ninnians as the next passengers are awaiting their UberX ride]
[Jasmine’s UBERX Van is flying overhead (you can still hear Passenger 2 screaming in the distance) and then after tires screech and the car is seen spinning around in circles, it comes to a peaceful halt in front of St. Ninnians. Jasmine steps out and removes her helmet like a boss, including a hair flip, before opening the door for the current passengers]
(background music returns to peaceful upbeat melody)
Jasmine: Here we are! Safely arrived at your destination! *checks apple watch* and look, we’re 5 minutes early! Splendid for punctuality!
Passenger 1: *Is STILL screaming and tumbles out of exit, before finally they stop screaming and kiss the ground, and then plops there hugging the ground* Ground. I missed you. Let me hug you.
Passenger 2: *Also tumbles out of exit door and lands on top of Passenger 1. Smiles broadly and raises arms in the air* that. Was. AWESOME!!!!!
Passenger 3: *casually exits the minivan, tips Jasmine, and then walks away continuing to sip drink*
Jasmine: *opens door for new set of passengers to enter* Thank you for driving with Jasmine's UberX Driving. Call today! Tehe!
[END OF COMMERCIAL]