[A Recollection of] Raiders of Known Kitchens
Jul 16, 2018 19:24:23 GMT -5
Post by Celebes on Jul 16, 2018 19:24:23 GMT -5
Dear Sula,
You asked about DAB. I can’t think of a better place to start than my first kitchen raid. I’ve told you about the legendary scoff of Redwall. Well, as a dibbun, it’s even better, because no beast there to stop you when you want to be picky at night. Anyhow, let me start.
The first thing I remember is the long wait. Some bright spark had the idea of waiting until all the Elders had gone to sleep. And well, while that sounded great at the beginning, it turned into quite the drag. Most of the dibbuns drifted off to bed in ones and twos even before the Elders did. I think the only reason I stayed awake was the anticipation of tasting a late night scone. They used to bake them the night before, you know, so they’re actually the freshest the night before. I can confirm.
I think it was Burfle who finally got us started. There were only three of us left. I didn’t really know the other two too well, this was still my first season at the Abbey. I remember thinking I was particularly clever for taking the case off my pillow to use as a loot bag. But as it turned out, I was already outclassed by Isaiah – the other dibbun still awake – who had a complete outfit dedicated to raiding. As soon as we were prepped, we took out first steps out of the dorm.
Despite the fact that most dorm had nodded off, it seemed like all the waiting had paid off. The Abbey was ours, with only the moon to keep watch of us. It wasn’t all smooth sailing, however. The silence was quickly broken by an argument between Isaiah and I over who got what scoff. I can’t remember how exactly it started, something about the two divine laws of “callsies” and “finders-keepers” coming into conflict, but it certainly didn’t end that night. Despite what had to be our rather loud bickering, we eventually made it down the hall and to the kitchen. Burfle immediately went for what was high up, taking to scaling a cabinet like, well, like a squirrel taking to a tree. Isaiah went to catch the jars that he would drop, and tried to get me to help, but I figured it only takes two paws to catch a jar. Why keep another pair idle? Besides, this really had been my first time in the kitchen, so I decided to make good looking for those piping hot scones.
We hadn’t gotten too far into the raid when Riv showed up, announcing her presence quite loudly I should mention. Apparently, she had dosed off as we were leaving the dorm, but had decided to catch up anyway after the three of us had left. She would be the last one to join that night. After we had shushed her for disturbing the peace with her grand entrance, Riv made for the counters that Burfle was prancing around. That was fine by me, I had a new objective. After rather loudly discovering a tin pail that had been left on the floor – and receiving a shushing of my own – I decided to use the upturned bucket to climb onto the counter. And, with a bit of a struggle, I did just that. And what was more, a rather pleasant surprise awaited me on the island across the way from my own counter. An entire cooling rack of fresh scones!
Still, this left me with the problem of being on the wrong counter. I could have just climbed down and back up, but that was when a second surprise, this one rather unpleasant, reared its head. It seemed that Isaiah, still feeling slighted about our earlier argument about scoff, was trying to keep me on a leash. He had forfeited his post helping Burfle to Riv and was now climbing up the counter I was on. He must have thought he was pretty smart, but all that mattered to little dibbun me at the moment was that his head looked pretty big. It made the perfect stepping stone for leaping the gap between the outer counter and the island. So I leaped. And I missed.
Meanwhile, Burfle and Riv had been hard at work pilfering their own side at the kitchen. Candied chestnuts, fruit preserves, warmed baked goods of all shapes and sizes, they all went into the sack. That which was eaten, anyway. I’m still surprised they managed to keep their grip when the sound of sea otter and scone rack crashing into the floor boomed across the kitchen. They did need one paw free for shushing me again, after all. I think this was around the time that we began to get a bit nervous. Riv had somehow managed to get up to where Burfle was latching onto the overhead cabinetry, and Isaiah was just starting to shoot things off the counters with this sling instead of being more methodical. I was dazed and tearful amidst my ill-gotten gains, but I was kept from sobbing due to most of my crumbly prize had landing on the cobbled floor with me.
It was around then Isaiah got it into his head that I hadn’t quite been punished enough for singlepawedly disturbing the peace of the entire first floor of the Abbey, and fired a particularly hard chestnut at my snout. It’s probably around this time a more macho otter would show you his war wound, but alas, neither I or my temporary welt are with you. There are just some things the post doesn’t let us do. Anyway, I was already rather upset from twice shushed mistakes, and sore bottom, so the brazen assault on my face was enough to send me screaming out of the kitchen. Figuratively. And well literally too.
From what the others had told me afterwards, there was an immediate rush to hide. In the confusion, Burfle ended up knocking Riv off the cabinets, but in yet another example of how we otters are made of iron, she was able to brush herself off and slip behind a stack of flour sacks. Isaiah was soon to join her, while Burfle made a more graceful descent from the heights and stationed himself behind the door. With speed being their only concern, there was simply no time for the mess we had made to be cleaned or concealed. That was to be a problem when the grownbeasts began to investigate, for once it was obvious a raid had taken place the kitchen was sure to be searched. Isaiah, deciding that it would be better to make a break for the dorm, took a chance and made a distraction. As soon as the first grownbeast poked his nose in the kitchen, Isaiah once again used his trusty sling and knocked over a rather precariously perched pile of plates. The ensuing clamor gave himself, Riv, and Burfle a chance to flee. Unfortunately, almost as soon as they left the kitchen, they were separated in the dark halls, with Isaiah having the good pleasure to end up snout-to-snout with me behind a pillar in the hall.
How had I gotten there? Well, after I had left the kitchen in a tiff, I somehow bungled my way into Great Hall. The hall is magnificent during the day with its high vaulted ceilings, beautiful stained glass windows, and exquisite furnishings and hangings. At night, it is terrifying. Those exquisite furnishings make a veritable dark forest of a maze of table and chair legs, with only ghastly distorted moonlight filtering in through the windows and an infinite black void to look up to. As soon as I could find a door, I was out of there. And well, the door I found was the door I had come in. A could of grownbeasts were in the hall now, investigating the noise. A kindly squirrel named Jasc calmed me down, and one of his compatriots went to fetch the Badger Mother to escort me back to the dorm. That was about the time Isaiah unleashed his cacophony in the kitchen. And well, Jasc went to investigate, and I, not fancying having to explain everything to the Badger Mother, slipped behind a pillar in hall.
The whole Abbey seemed to be groggily emerging from their respective rooms at that point, at least on the first floor. I’m still not sure how Burfle and Riv made it back to the dorm like they did, but to their credit their first thought was on how to make sure Isaiah and I got back safely. That’s what Burfle told me anyways.
And where were we, the two dibbuns very much not in safety? Well, after I had given Isaiah a piece of my mind for ruining my life and so forth, we started to pick our own way back to the dorm. Just as I was thinking of how not even a scone could be sweeter than falling asleep on my pillow, it struck me that said pillow was still lacking its case. To my horror, I realized that in my haste to go and get terrified in Great Hall, I had left my loot bag in the kitchen. A damaging piece of evidence if I ever knew one. As soon as that pillow case was found, a search would be made of the dorm to see which dibbun was missing the offending article. I would be in for it. But it wasn’t as if I could just go swipe my case back from the kitchen, it was swarming with irate kitchen assistants and possibly a Badger Mother. I had to get a new piece of linen. The were extras in the infirmary, but how to get there? At that point I could barely find my way outside, much less around the Abbey. Luckily, I had been trapped outside the dorm with an excellent guide, an expert mouse who knew the Abbey like the back of his paw. And after all our moments of warm comradery earlier that night, Isaiah was more than happy to help.
Well, that’s about all I can fit in one envelope, and my paw is starting to cramp. I’ll have to tell you more about it in my next letter, or when I see you next. Cruise an extra big wave for me, and give a big hullo to Saltback!
Your Only Otter,
Celebes
[enclosed in the envelope is a beautiful bit o' bark]
-----------
Hello Everybeast!
Besides showing off Celebes' love life in a totally non yucky, non kissy, non rule #4 breaking way, I thought I would try to record what I could remember from one of our Kerfluffled™ roleplays. You know, for posterities sake. Let me know if there was anything I left out, and if I did your character justice. Oh, and thanks to my main wingmouse for suggesting including a piece of wood, I was informed that the she-otters dig that kind of thing.
Credits to our Cast
Badgermum, as played by Lady Cregga
Burfle, as played by Burfle
Celebes, as played by Celebes
Dozy Redwaller, as played by Deyna the 2nd
Isaiah, as played by Isaiah
Jasc, as played by Oak Tom
Kitchen Aid #1, as played by Dandin
Kitchen Aid #2, as played by Mathias
Riv, as played by Riv
Unfortunate Witness to Burfle and Riv Jumping Out of a Window, as played by Aqua