DAB Episode VI: Return of the Parody
Oct 10, 2014 15:04:49 GMT -5
Post by Burfle, Brookfill & Madrigal on Oct 10, 2014 15:04:49 GMT -5
This parody is dedicated to the legacy of the laughin' place and all those wonderful pieces of craziness that were written there. Of particular mention are such wonders as a time-travelling gerbil, a basil-stag-hare talk show and just all of the randomness that was there.
Burfle's Parody, Episode 1:
*An officious looking mouse enters wearing a blue suit, a green tie and a pair of spectacles*
*Trumpet fanfare*
*The mouse unrolls a piece of parchment and clears his throat*
Mouse: Ahem! Hear ye, hear ye. The Amazing Burfle's par-
*Trumpet fanfare*
Mouse:... The Amazing Burfle's p-
*Trumpet fanfare*
Mouse: The A-
*Trumpet fanfare*
*The mouse drops the parchment and stalks off stage muttering to himself. The sounds of a scuffle follow.*
Offscreen noises: AAAGH! OW! CRASH! BONK! BIFF! POTATO! THE SOUND OF A TRUMPET BEING FORCIBLY WRAPPED AROUND SOMEBEASTS NECK AND THEIR TAIL BEING SHOVED DOWN THE END!
*The mouse returns to the stage, picks up the parchment and adjusts his glasses.*
Mouse: The Amazing Burfle's Parody is set to start. But first a disclaimer: "The most amazing and almightly Lord Burfle does not own the rights to Redwall the book series, all characters from this set of books are parodied here in an affectionate manner. Any resemblance to real life people living or deceased is merely a coincidence, although if anyone from the real world is actually an anthropomorphic mouse then somebody should alert the news."
*The mouse unrolls another parchment*
Mouse: And now a health warning: "The most amazing and almighty Lord Burfle claims no responsibility for any incidences of insanity, excessive quotations of popular culture or 'you're head-a-splode'ing as a result of reading this parody. This parody is not suitable for the under 18 or over 18. Allergies: Warning, May contain nutters."
~<@>={ThemostamazingandwonderfulLordBurfle'sparodyofawesomenessandinsanitylinebreak}=<@>~
*Opening music*
Voiceover/Narrator: Hello and welcome to the most amazing parody show of all time! Here in the studio, please give it up for your host, Lord Burfle the magnificent!!
Crowd:*applause, cheers and whoops*
*Burfle enters on stage*
Burfle: Thakyou thankyou! It's a pleasure to be with you tonight. And here are my lovely co-hosts, Brooky...
*points to a cardboard cut-out of an otter*
Burfle:...Geddit? She's made out of cardboard 'cause she's such a flat character...yeah...get the joke?... ... anyway. My other co-host for the night is Maddy!
*Maddy arrives on stage, huffing and rolling her eyes*
Maddy: I still can't believe that you managed to talk me into joining this stupid and pointless show. What could you have possibly promised me?
Burfle: Hmmm. How about the latest book in that boring series you're always fangirling about?
Maddy: I don't fangirl! And it's not boring, it's intellectual!
Burfle Yeah, yeah, sure. Whatever you say.
Maddy: I don't fangirl, I don't!
*That latest book suddenyl appears attached by string to the ceiling of the studio*
Maddy: Oh my Mossflower, is that really it? The latest one? GIVE IT TO ME! I MUST DEVOUR IT'S CONTENTS!!
*Maddy begins trying to jump up and reach it, screaming maniacally*
Burfle:...Woah...that's actually kind of scary....Welp, back to the show, and it's a very special guest at the questions desk for us. Put your paws together for.. the author!!
Author: Hey guys! Isn't this awesome*
*crickets chirp*
Author:... I feel unloved. But anyway, it's time for the questions segment where we take questions submitted by the audience prior to the show and answer them! So without further ado...
*Takes out pieces of paper and begins to flip through them*
Author: Blah blah blah, budgets, what's the schedule, when will we see some slapstick, aha, here we go! "Hey Author, I think you're really cute! Are you single? yours sincerely, a very attractive female" Well ladies, I know you've all been dying to know, but I am indeed available
*Author fails horribly to wink in an alluring manner*
Author: Let's see... "Hiya Author, you're so awesome! Will you marry me? love, another very attractive female". "Yo, Author. You're wicked cool! take off your shirt! - A 'totally radical' attractive female". "Hey Mr Author. I just want to grab you and-"... Wow... I don't know if I can say that on air...But anyway, it's nice to have all of your attention ladies...
*Burfle peers over the author's shoulder*
Burfle: Hey, wait a second. Why are all these questions in your own handwriting?
Author:... and I most certainly look forward to meeting all of you who are totally real and not just made up ahahaha who would do something like that that would just be pathetic and sad to send letters to yourself pretending that they're actually from girls *cries* backstage to discuss these matters further. But on with the parody! And it's now time to look at what's going on in the dark forest!!!
*Author hastily throws question cards in the air and torches them with a flamethrower*
~<@>={ThemostamazingandwonderfulLordBurfle'sparodyofawesomenessandinsanitylinebreak}=<@>~
Narrator: In the dark forest, where spirits go after death. We see some of our favourite heroes gathered together.
Martin (ranting):...and each time I try to ask her I keep getting interrupted by these calls to "go and be the protective spirit of Redwall" as if they think I can just drop everything and go and improvise some stupid riddle just so a bunch of uppity young'uns can have some fun puzzling it out and discovering their true self and all that rubbish.
Gonff: Wow matey, you must have it tough. Look, just sit down and have some ale, it'll cheer you up no end I guarantee.
Martin: *sips ale* Ah, thanks Gonff you've always been a true friend.
Gonff: Yeah, anything for a matey...although you're going ta have to pay me back for that ale
Martin: *Splutters* WHAT!? I thought we're friends!
Gonff: yeah, and friends pay their mates back for a favour
Marting: Ugh! *tosses Gonff a few coins*...How much did the ale cost anyway?
Gonff: Oh I got it for free over there *grins cheekily and points to a free ale stall*
Martin: *Glares at Gonff, then looks puzzled* Wait..how does that stall stay in business?
Gonff: *shrugs* Dunno. Plot hole?
Martin: That's your explanation for everything! Why the sky's blue, why I go kart racing with Verdauga sometimes, and even why Dandin hasn't 'fessed up to Mariel yet
Dandin (offscreen shouting): I don't love her!
Gonff: Why do you and Verdauga go karting? Is this to do with that time when you dressed up as some plumber with Martin II? What did you call yourselves again? The Super Martin Bros. or something?
Martin: Hey, if I remember correctly you were the one that dressed up as that mushroom guy
Gonff: That was one time!...and only because Columbine knitted the hat and forced me to wear it. You have no idea what it's like being married, having to do all these crazy things to please your wife.
Martin: I kind of wish I did actually, but these flipping spirit calls keep dragging me away whenever I talk to Rose, even when I just want to say hi! Can't I just get one chance to even ask her on a date?
*Rose saunters up*
Rose: Oh, hi Martin. Hi Gonff.
Gonff (stage whisper): Now's your chance matey!
Martin: Oh, er. Good to see you Rose! Look, I was just wondering if you'd like to maybe go somewhere someti-
*ringtone*
Martin: Oh for the love of- *answers* Yeah?...uhuh...right...*sighs* Yeah I'll be there...*hangs up*
Rose: Another spirit call?
Martin: Yeah. Don't worry though, I'll be back in just a moment. *leaves*
Gonff:...
Rose:...
Gonff:...sooooooo...
Rose...Want to try and set up Mariel with Dandin again?
Gonff: Do I?!
Dandin (offscreen shouting): I DON'T LOVE HER!
~<@>={ThemostamazingandwonderfulLordBurfle'sparodyofawesomenessandinsanitylinebreak}=<@>~
*Back in the studio*
Burfle:... That's it?...that's got to be the worst ending to a piece of writing ever! Who writes this stuff?
Author: *timidly raises hand* Uh..that would be me.
Burfle: Well work on it! You've been writing long enough to do better than that.
Author: B-But I've never written a parody before, and I don't really know how to make it
*Burfle throws a chair at the Author*
Author: WAAAGH! *falls over*
Burfle: Quit your whining and get on with the next skit! And if it doesn't end better then I'll set Maddy on you.
Author: She doesn't seem that bad
Burfle: I'll tell her that you destroyed her favourite library
*Maddy suddenly appears behind the Author, a dark and angry aura surrounding her*
Author: No! Have mercy, I'll try I'll try!
Burfle: You will, I'll make sure of it *evil laughter*
*Thunder and lightning and evil organ music*
Burfle: On with the next sketch!
~<@>={ThemostamazingandwonderfulLordBurfle'sparodyofawesomenessandinsanitylinebreak}=<@>~
Narrator:In a different universe...
*Martin walks up to a suburban house, dressed in a tux and holding a bunch of flowers. He rings the doorbell and waits on the step*
Martin: Man I hate these stupid collars, they're so tight. I hope she likes these flowers, are they a bit much? Nah, she likes flowers. But does she like these ones? Why am I talking to myself? By the seasons this collar is tight!
*The door opens and Rose looks out*
Rose: Oh, Martin!
Martin: Hey Rose, I'm not too early am I?
Rose: Well I was just going to go upstears and finish getting ready, but you can come in. Oh I love those flowers, I'll put them in this vase. Oh, Daddy! Martin's here!
Urran Voh: Ah, a pleasure to meet you my boy.
*Urran shakes Martin's paw, who winces but grins nervously*
Urran: *smiling menacingly* Why don't you come in to the dining room while my daughter gets ready? I'm sure we can get to know one another well.
Martin: *gulps* uh...
Rose: Oh that's wonderful Daddy! I'm sure you'll both get on fine. *Runs upstairs* I won't be long~
Martin: Uh, wait, Rose...
Urran: Come come, sit down at the table with me. Don't worry, I won't bite *laughs*
Martin: uuuhhhh...
*Both sit down*
Urran: So Martin, tell me..
*Room darkens, Urran leans forward, dramatic thunder and lightning*
Urran (darkly):Just what are your intentions towards my daughter?
Martin: Uhh, I, well, y'see...ummmm...
*Urran raises an eyebrow*
Martin:...*sighs* Look. I really, really like her. In fact I'm sure I love her. I would never do anything to hurt her I promise...except, maybe I might just inspire her to follow me into battle against this crazy warlord who took my father's sword and enslaved me for a while, and she miiight just join me in the final battle where she could be a little out of her depth, and maaaayyybe she'll sacrifice herself to try and save me and get thrown into a wall and be killed...But I love her, and that's what counts right?
Urran:...
Marting:...
Urran:... Sounds legit
Martin: Cool!
~<@>={ThemostamazingandwonderfulLordBurfle'sparodyofawesomenessandinsanitylinebreak}=<@>~
Burfle:...Seriously...that's how you end it?
Author: What? I thought it was pretty good.
Burfle: You know what? I think we're gonna have to just end it here, 'cause I'm not sure I can take any more of these shoddily finished shorts. Maddy, he burnt down the library, sic 'im.
*Maddy goes feral and begins to pursue the Author*
Author: AAAGH!!!
Burfle: And that concludes today's show folks! Join us some other time for more absolute insanity that may or may not be funny!
*Author runs across stage with Maddy biting his arm*
Author: Get her off! GET HER OFF!!
Burfle (deadpan): Not until you learn how to be funny
*End credits and music and stuff*
~<@>={ThemostamazingandwonderfulLordBurfle'sparodyofawesomenessandinsanitylinebreak}=<@>~
*The officious-looking mouse returns*
Mouse: Attention all readers of the The Amazing Burfle's-
*Trumpet fanfare*
*Mouse glares offstage.*
*Trumpet fanfare dies away*
Mouse: All I have to say is that anybeast who wishes to suggest an idea, or have themselves included (charscter or even writer-person-whatever) in the parody can PM Burfle here. We hope you have enjoyed this pilot...
*Plane crashes into the ground from nowhere. A pilot jumps out, looks around and runs away*
Mouse:...and look forward to seeing you next time...when hopefully it's a lot better and more funny.
*The mouse leaves*
*silence*
*Mouse reappears*
Mouse: You can, um...leave now...seriously. This room is needed for an important meeting later to discuss the impending cupcake meteor, so please can you just leave...quickly....thankyou
Burfle's Parody, Episode 1:
*An officious looking mouse enters wearing a blue suit, a green tie and a pair of spectacles*
*Trumpet fanfare*
*The mouse unrolls a piece of parchment and clears his throat*
Mouse: Ahem! Hear ye, hear ye. The Amazing Burfle's par-
*Trumpet fanfare*
Mouse:... The Amazing Burfle's p-
*Trumpet fanfare*
Mouse: The A-
*Trumpet fanfare*
*The mouse drops the parchment and stalks off stage muttering to himself. The sounds of a scuffle follow.*
Offscreen noises: AAAGH! OW! CRASH! BONK! BIFF! POTATO! THE SOUND OF A TRUMPET BEING FORCIBLY WRAPPED AROUND SOMEBEASTS NECK AND THEIR TAIL BEING SHOVED DOWN THE END!
*The mouse returns to the stage, picks up the parchment and adjusts his glasses.*
Mouse: The Amazing Burfle's Parody is set to start. But first a disclaimer: "The most amazing and almightly Lord Burfle does not own the rights to Redwall the book series, all characters from this set of books are parodied here in an affectionate manner. Any resemblance to real life people living or deceased is merely a coincidence, although if anyone from the real world is actually an anthropomorphic mouse then somebody should alert the news."
*The mouse unrolls another parchment*
Mouse: And now a health warning: "The most amazing and almighty Lord Burfle claims no responsibility for any incidences of insanity, excessive quotations of popular culture or 'you're head-a-splode'ing as a result of reading this parody. This parody is not suitable for the under 18 or over 18. Allergies: Warning, May contain nutters."
~<@>={ThemostamazingandwonderfulLordBurfle'sparodyofawesomenessandinsanitylinebreak}=<@>~
*Opening music*
Voiceover/Narrator: Hello and welcome to the most amazing parody show of all time! Here in the studio, please give it up for your host, Lord Burfle the magnificent!!
Crowd:*applause, cheers and whoops*
*Burfle enters on stage*
Burfle: Thakyou thankyou! It's a pleasure to be with you tonight. And here are my lovely co-hosts, Brooky...
*points to a cardboard cut-out of an otter*
Burfle:...Geddit? She's made out of cardboard 'cause she's such a flat character...yeah...get the joke?... ... anyway. My other co-host for the night is Maddy!
*Maddy arrives on stage, huffing and rolling her eyes*
Maddy: I still can't believe that you managed to talk me into joining this stupid and pointless show. What could you have possibly promised me?
Burfle: Hmmm. How about the latest book in that boring series you're always fangirling about?
Maddy: I don't fangirl! And it's not boring, it's intellectual!
Burfle Yeah, yeah, sure. Whatever you say.
Maddy: I don't fangirl, I don't!
*That latest book suddenyl appears attached by string to the ceiling of the studio*
Maddy: Oh my Mossflower, is that really it? The latest one? GIVE IT TO ME! I MUST DEVOUR IT'S CONTENTS!!
*Maddy begins trying to jump up and reach it, screaming maniacally*
Burfle:...Woah...that's actually kind of scary....Welp, back to the show, and it's a very special guest at the questions desk for us. Put your paws together for.. the author!!
Author: Hey guys! Isn't this awesome*
*crickets chirp*
Author:... I feel unloved. But anyway, it's time for the questions segment where we take questions submitted by the audience prior to the show and answer them! So without further ado...
*Takes out pieces of paper and begins to flip through them*
Author: Blah blah blah, budgets, what's the schedule, when will we see some slapstick, aha, here we go! "Hey Author, I think you're really cute! Are you single? yours sincerely, a very attractive female" Well ladies, I know you've all been dying to know, but I am indeed available
*Author fails horribly to wink in an alluring manner*
Author: Let's see... "Hiya Author, you're so awesome! Will you marry me? love, another very attractive female". "Yo, Author. You're wicked cool! take off your shirt! - A 'totally radical' attractive female". "Hey Mr Author. I just want to grab you and-"... Wow... I don't know if I can say that on air...But anyway, it's nice to have all of your attention ladies...
*Burfle peers over the author's shoulder*
Burfle: Hey, wait a second. Why are all these questions in your own handwriting?
Author:... and I most certainly look forward to meeting all of you who are totally real and not just made up ahahaha who would do something like that that would just be pathetic and sad to send letters to yourself pretending that they're actually from girls *cries* backstage to discuss these matters further. But on with the parody! And it's now time to look at what's going on in the dark forest!!!
*Author hastily throws question cards in the air and torches them with a flamethrower*
~<@>={ThemostamazingandwonderfulLordBurfle'sparodyofawesomenessandinsanitylinebreak}=<@>~
Narrator: In the dark forest, where spirits go after death. We see some of our favourite heroes gathered together.
Martin (ranting):...and each time I try to ask her I keep getting interrupted by these calls to "go and be the protective spirit of Redwall" as if they think I can just drop everything and go and improvise some stupid riddle just so a bunch of uppity young'uns can have some fun puzzling it out and discovering their true self and all that rubbish.
Gonff: Wow matey, you must have it tough. Look, just sit down and have some ale, it'll cheer you up no end I guarantee.
Martin: *sips ale* Ah, thanks Gonff you've always been a true friend.
Gonff: Yeah, anything for a matey...although you're going ta have to pay me back for that ale
Martin: *Splutters* WHAT!? I thought we're friends!
Gonff: yeah, and friends pay their mates back for a favour
Marting: Ugh! *tosses Gonff a few coins*...How much did the ale cost anyway?
Gonff: Oh I got it for free over there *grins cheekily and points to a free ale stall*
Martin: *Glares at Gonff, then looks puzzled* Wait..how does that stall stay in business?
Gonff: *shrugs* Dunno. Plot hole?
Martin: That's your explanation for everything! Why the sky's blue, why I go kart racing with Verdauga sometimes, and even why Dandin hasn't 'fessed up to Mariel yet
Dandin (offscreen shouting): I don't love her!
Gonff: Why do you and Verdauga go karting? Is this to do with that time when you dressed up as some plumber with Martin II? What did you call yourselves again? The Super Martin Bros. or something?
Martin: Hey, if I remember correctly you were the one that dressed up as that mushroom guy
Gonff: That was one time!...and only because Columbine knitted the hat and forced me to wear it. You have no idea what it's like being married, having to do all these crazy things to please your wife.
Martin: I kind of wish I did actually, but these flipping spirit calls keep dragging me away whenever I talk to Rose, even when I just want to say hi! Can't I just get one chance to even ask her on a date?
*Rose saunters up*
Rose: Oh, hi Martin. Hi Gonff.
Gonff (stage whisper): Now's your chance matey!
Martin: Oh, er. Good to see you Rose! Look, I was just wondering if you'd like to maybe go somewhere someti-
*ringtone*
Martin: Oh for the love of- *answers* Yeah?...uhuh...right...*sighs* Yeah I'll be there...*hangs up*
Rose: Another spirit call?
Martin: Yeah. Don't worry though, I'll be back in just a moment. *leaves*
Gonff:...
Rose:...
Gonff:...sooooooo...
Rose...Want to try and set up Mariel with Dandin again?
Gonff: Do I?!
Dandin (offscreen shouting): I DON'T LOVE HER!
~<@>={ThemostamazingandwonderfulLordBurfle'sparodyofawesomenessandinsanitylinebreak}=<@>~
*Back in the studio*
Burfle:... That's it?...that's got to be the worst ending to a piece of writing ever! Who writes this stuff?
Author: *timidly raises hand* Uh..that would be me.
Burfle: Well work on it! You've been writing long enough to do better than that.
Author: B-But I've never written a parody before, and I don't really know how to make it
*Burfle throws a chair at the Author*
Author: WAAAGH! *falls over*
Burfle: Quit your whining and get on with the next skit! And if it doesn't end better then I'll set Maddy on you.
Author: She doesn't seem that bad
Burfle: I'll tell her that you destroyed her favourite library
*Maddy suddenly appears behind the Author, a dark and angry aura surrounding her*
Author: No! Have mercy, I'll try I'll try!
Burfle: You will, I'll make sure of it *evil laughter*
*Thunder and lightning and evil organ music*
Burfle: On with the next sketch!
~<@>={ThemostamazingandwonderfulLordBurfle'sparodyofawesomenessandinsanitylinebreak}=<@>~
Narrator:In a different universe...
*Martin walks up to a suburban house, dressed in a tux and holding a bunch of flowers. He rings the doorbell and waits on the step*
Martin: Man I hate these stupid collars, they're so tight. I hope she likes these flowers, are they a bit much? Nah, she likes flowers. But does she like these ones? Why am I talking to myself? By the seasons this collar is tight!
*The door opens and Rose looks out*
Rose: Oh, Martin!
Martin: Hey Rose, I'm not too early am I?
Rose: Well I was just going to go upstears and finish getting ready, but you can come in. Oh I love those flowers, I'll put them in this vase. Oh, Daddy! Martin's here!
Urran Voh: Ah, a pleasure to meet you my boy.
*Urran shakes Martin's paw, who winces but grins nervously*
Urran: *smiling menacingly* Why don't you come in to the dining room while my daughter gets ready? I'm sure we can get to know one another well.
Martin: *gulps* uh...
Rose: Oh that's wonderful Daddy! I'm sure you'll both get on fine. *Runs upstairs* I won't be long~
Martin: Uh, wait, Rose...
Urran: Come come, sit down at the table with me. Don't worry, I won't bite *laughs*
Martin: uuuhhhh...
*Both sit down*
Urran: So Martin, tell me..
*Room darkens, Urran leans forward, dramatic thunder and lightning*
Urran (darkly):Just what are your intentions towards my daughter?
Martin: Uhh, I, well, y'see...ummmm...
*Urran raises an eyebrow*
Martin:...*sighs* Look. I really, really like her. In fact I'm sure I love her. I would never do anything to hurt her I promise...except, maybe I might just inspire her to follow me into battle against this crazy warlord who took my father's sword and enslaved me for a while, and she miiight just join me in the final battle where she could be a little out of her depth, and maaaayyybe she'll sacrifice herself to try and save me and get thrown into a wall and be killed...But I love her, and that's what counts right?
Urran:...
Marting:...
Urran:... Sounds legit
Martin: Cool!
~<@>={ThemostamazingandwonderfulLordBurfle'sparodyofawesomenessandinsanitylinebreak}=<@>~
Burfle:...Seriously...that's how you end it?
Author: What? I thought it was pretty good.
Burfle: You know what? I think we're gonna have to just end it here, 'cause I'm not sure I can take any more of these shoddily finished shorts. Maddy, he burnt down the library, sic 'im.
*Maddy goes feral and begins to pursue the Author*
Author: AAAGH!!!
Burfle: And that concludes today's show folks! Join us some other time for more absolute insanity that may or may not be funny!
*Author runs across stage with Maddy biting his arm*
Author: Get her off! GET HER OFF!!
Burfle (deadpan): Not until you learn how to be funny
*End credits and music and stuff*
~<@>={ThemostamazingandwonderfulLordBurfle'sparodyofawesomenessandinsanitylinebreak}=<@>~
*The officious-looking mouse returns*
Mouse: Attention all readers of the The Amazing Burfle's-
*Trumpet fanfare*
*Mouse glares offstage.*
*Trumpet fanfare dies away*
Mouse: All I have to say is that anybeast who wishes to suggest an idea, or have themselves included (charscter or even writer-person-whatever) in the parody can PM Burfle here. We hope you have enjoyed this pilot...
*Plane crashes into the ground from nowhere. A pilot jumps out, looks around and runs away*
Mouse:...and look forward to seeing you next time...when hopefully it's a lot better and more funny.
*The mouse leaves*
*silence*
*Mouse reappears*
Mouse: You can, um...leave now...seriously. This room is needed for an important meeting later to discuss the impending cupcake meteor, so please can you just leave...quickly....thankyou