Scarth Swiftstep profile

[Scarth Swiftstep]

Name: Scarth Swiftstep (Pronunciation: Sarth Swift Step)
Species: Hare
Gender: Male
Dibbun Weapon: Blowgun with Thorns
Adult Weapon: As an adult Scarth has the ability to use many weapons. At almost all times he caries on his person a dirk, dagger, bow and arrows, and a sword across his back although his main weapon would be his sword.

Appearance: Scarth’s coat is a slightly darker brown than normal in the summer although it does not stay that way all year. In the fall it darkens slightly only to turn much lighter in the winter. In the spring it is still a slightly lighter color that in summer as it is changing back from winter. As a dibbun Scarth had abnormally large foot paws that often accompany dibbuns. Along with his foot paws he was adorned with large ears that he later grew into. He was given a small scar under his right eye that is hardly noticeable without close inspection. It was delivered from a ricocheting pebble released from his own shaky slingshot. Still later because of his aggressive attitude Scarth was given many other markings from battles and quarrels throughout his life. In one of his first battles (a skirmish really) an arrow nearly missed him taking a nick out of the top of his left ear. In later battles he was given two scars on his left arm as well as one on his right. The last scar he was to receive was from a quarrel with a vermin weasel. Luckily the hare was able to overpower the vermin with only having a severe slash to his right shoulder dealt.

Personality: Throughout his life Scarth’s personality for the most part stays constant. Scarth would always be there for any meal anytime throughout his life. During his dibbun years at the abbey because of being a hare he was often faster than the others and grew a little conceited because of his self-confidence. Of course many times his pride would come back in the end due to his clumsiness. As he grows older the hare loses some of his childish characteristics, but only to inherit new ones. When his weapon skills are realized the cockiness returns. At his first battle he learns to not be too overly confident as he receives his first battle wound, a nick to the ear.

History: Scarth’s father, Trailbriar Swiftstep, a hare of the long patrol, came to the Abbey as an adventurer seeking fortune. Instead he found Regina Longears. The two were soon wed and Scarth was born soon thereafter. Living a joyful dibbun life at the abbey Scarth left to journey the land at about fourteen seasons. On his journeys he learned much about the land and how to wield almost any weapon and met many-beasts that would later play roles in his life. Upon his return, two seasons later, Scarth learned that his father had fallen ill. Rushing back to the abbey the hare spent the last few seasons of his father’s life with him. Before his father’s death Trailbriar gave him instructions to journey much, be well prepared, and be the best you can. Following these instructions Scarth became a traveler-warrior that almost always carried all the weapons he thought fit. Upon leaving the abbey for another adventure his mother approached him and bestowed his father’s sword, a long-sword with an emerald in the hilt. From thereon the sword accompanied him everywhere he went. Traveling from Salamandastron to who knows where occasionally dropping by the abbey Scarth made many friends, and enemies through his journeys. Participating in many battles and quarrels Scarth at long last stopped his traveling for a time after word of his aging mother reached his ears. Staying at the abbey ‘til her burial Scarth left once again to travel the land finding many tasks to help with Scarth continued them ‘til he finally settled at the abbey from time to time being sent on quests and missions. No further account of the hare Scarth Swiftstep has been made.

Roleplay Sample: **Scarth and Rimbolo (His plush toy otter) crept into the kitchen surreptitiously. No one will even notice we’re gone. Right Rim? , thought Scarth. Dere’s no way dat dey would notice we tooked anyfin’. It would be wike we was ne- Scarth’s inward comment was stopped short by the sound of Rimbolo so clumsily knocking a serving dish clattering to the floor.**

Rim! You aw so cwumsy!

**Running out of the kitchen empty-handed Scarth headed for the door. Suddenly the hare felt a familiar weight leave his hands. Once again Rim had messed up.**

Cmon’ Rim. Ya can’ keep doin’ dis!

**Picking up his clumsy otter friend Scarth rounded a corner.**

Wham!

**Running into a wall of badgermum didn’t feel good. Looking up Scarth saw the one person in the abbey that he was truly afraid of in a nightgown. Tears welled up in his eyes.**

I can expwain… Pwease don’ be mad, I, I…

Just go to bed Scarth, you have no reason to be up at this hour waking the whole abbey.

**Lowering his head in shame Scarth dragged good-for-nothing Rimbolo behind him as he ascended the stairway to his dorm.**

[Aquamarine]

Scarth, I think the main things that need work in your application are keeping things realistic and adding detail. I'll get into more specifics in each section, but they're something to keep in mind overall.

Great start on his appearance, but I think there's more detail in his appearance than what's there. For example, try thinking about his eye color, build, and clothing. I also noticed that more than half of his appearance described his scars. Considering that he's a warrior, it makes some sense, but think about whether or not it would help to rein that in a little. That's a matter of personal preference, but make sure his appearance is more than his scars. Nice details on his fur -- try looking up some info on hares and see how their colors change over the seasons to make sure his are accurate.

Like with his appearance, his personality is off to a nice start, but there's more to be told. The personality is the main part of the character that we deal with in RPing, so I have a rule of thumb of making sure my personality descriptions are longer than my appearance descriptions. It helps challenge me to really think about who my characters are, and I'd encourage you to give it a try. There's more to Scarth than just his pride -- tell us about it.

There are a few things in his history in particular that struck me as a little unrealistic. Fourteen seems a little young to be leaving the abbey. Also watch the number of weapons he owns and is able to use. These skills take a lot of time to learn, so most creatures will master only a few over a lifetime. It doesn't seem quite plausible to me that he could wield and carry so many kinds of weapons. I liked how he took his father's advice to heart. Like with the other sections (this is a very common theme when I critique applications), try adding some more detail to it. Here are a few thoughts for getting started: what makes him decide to go off adventuring? Does he ever have a family other than his parents, or any close friends who travel with him? How do his journeys affect him?

The personification of Rimbolo was great in the RP sample, and I liked the line that mentioned "running into a wall of badgermum." I'd love to see some more description in it -- set the scene for the reader. What's around Scarth? How does he see it? What's he feeling like right now? His thoughts that are already there are good. Add some more to them and see where that leads.

Overall, it's a great start, and I'd love to see it expanded. Keep an eye on grammar and punctuation, too. You'll be in Class 3 for now, but I think you have the potential to move up quickly. Nice work.